When to Tell a Guy You Have a Boyfriend

I remember the scene vividly: We sat on a driftwood log at dusk as waves from the Gulf of Mexico crashed and came to rest just feet from our toes. It might have been a romantic scene, except the man I was seated beside was a fellow reporter, and he and I were waiting as divers scanned for the bodies of four missing children. (This post sure took an awful turn, didn't it? Bear with me.)

This reporter and I kept each other company as we waited for hours, sharing small talk and career goals, questioning as it got ever darker if there was a thing as work-life balance. At the end of the evening, we parted ways and I never thought of him again—that is, until he called my office just days later to ask me on a date. I declined. After all, I explained, I had a boyfriend. And in response, this man accused me of leading him on.

When I relayed the story to my friend Dan, he shook his head and tisk-tisked me. "Why didn't you tell him you were seeing someone when you met him?" Dan asked.

"Because I had no clue I needed to!" I squeaked back. "We were working! People were searching for kids' bodies! How was I supposed to know he was interested?"

Dan smiled. "It's simple: If a guy is talking to you, he's interested."

This was news to me at 21 years old. But from then on, I took Dan's words to heart. If a man engaged me in conversation, I would drop the "I'm taken" bomb as soon as I could. "Oh, you like Momocho? That's my boyfriend's favorite restaurant too!" I would say. Or, "You know, my boyfriend feels the same way about whiskey, and that's why he sticks with beer."