"My Boyfriend's Going to Propose Soon, but His Mom HATES Me!" (I Say: Don't Sweat It)

Writes Save the Date reader Sarah:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. We talk marriage all the time and are planning on getting engaged soon. The only problem is, his mom hates me. I tried getting on her good side for the first five years, but after that, I just gave up. She has no reason to dislike me but insists that I'm rude and selfish. I won't even go to dinner with his family any more, because she's always making comments about, say, my skirts being too short or the fact that I "don't eat." (She's seen me eat plenty.) She also LOVES one of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends to the point that they post on each other's Facebook walls and have lunch together.

I love my boyfriend, but I know his mom isn't going to approve of our engagement. I don't need to be best friends with her, but I'd like some basic respect—and for her not to hang out with my boyfriend's ex. Am I asking too much?

Here are my thoughts:

As far as the ex-girlfriend goes, I think you need to let it go. If you and your boyfriend have been together for six years, that chick is ancient history. There's a chance that your future MIL has gotten buddy-buddy with her out of spite, but if they've maintained a friendship over your six-year relationship, they MUST share some common interests or genuinely enjoy each other's company. One of the most valuable lessons I've learned in my 30-plus years of living is this: You can't control someone else's actions, but you CAN control your reactions. Instead of stewing over their relationship, just turn a blind eye. You don't get to choose who your future MIL is friends with—period—so why worry about it?

Another valuable lesson I've learned: Respect has to be earned. And by refusing to go to dinner with his family, you're just adding fuel to the fire, and the last thing you want to do at this point is give her ammo. I'm not saying you need to break bread every week, but pulling up at the chair at the Olive Garden for, say, your future father-in-law's birthday won't kill you. Will it be fun? No. Will you be annoyed 98 percent of the time? Probably. But order a big glass of wine, seat yourself as far away from your future MIL as possible, and when the bitchy comments start flying, just ignore them. Even if she's sitting directly across from you, just plaster a smile on your face, play deaf, and chat up the person to your left or right. Literally, don't flinch. It's your boyfriend's job to keep an ear open and say, "Mom, that was rude. Knock it off." Once she sees she's upsetting her son—and NOT upsetting you—there's a decent chance she'll zip it.