Ask Emily: How Can I Gain Some Confidence in the Cowgirl Position?

Still, if you aren’t a regular rider, it can be challenging to relax, let go, and have fun. Think of it as a sport; the more you practice, the better and more confident you’ll be out on the field. Sexual competence leads to sexual confidence, so put on your game face, climb on top, and get ready to give your man the ride of his life.

Assume the position by putting your knees on either side of your partner or squatting over him with your feet flat on the mattress. Slowly lower yourself down onto his penis—with an emphasis on slowly. That moment of penetration when you’re on top is super-hot and feels amazing, so don’t speed through it!

Once he’s inside you, you can start by moving up and down to build momentum, or place your breasts lightly against his chest while rubbing from side to side. This lets you enjoy the pleasure of this position without feeling completely exposed. Another less-revealing but super-intimate option is to pull his shoulders toward you so you’re face-to-face with your legs wrapped around each other. You can even try straddling him in a chair—find one without arms, sit him down and lower yourself onto him either facing him or reverse. Don’t be afraid to experiment or switch up positions to find what works best for you.

If you really want to give your partner a show, lean back while straddling him and let him take in the amazing view. There’s nothing like seeing your guy get googly-eyed over your body for an instant boost of bedroom confidence.

And don’t think you have to do all the work while you’re riding him. You can grab his hands and have him help you gyrate up and down or back and forth so you can focus more on the pleasure and less on potential leg cramps. After all, sex takes teamwork! If it didn’t, we’d all be content spending nice romantic evenings in with our Womanizer.

The bottom line is this: Nothing gets in the way of good sex like insecurities, no matter what they are. All that’s required for a mind-blowing time on top is for you to focus less on your luscious lady parts and more on the fact that your partner (and his penis) are enjoying every moment of you riding him.

Emily Morse is a doctor of human sexuality and host of the iTunes top-rated podcast Sex With Emily. As an expert, author, and star of television and radio programs, she has inspired millions of listeners and followers to make sex a priority, enhance communication, and strengthen their relationships. To learn more or to subscribe to her podcast, visit sexwithemily.com.